​​One morning last week, I was sitting eating my breakfast at the dining table, looking at the flower that my son received from his graduation ceremony the evening before. It was a red Gerbera, with a long stem and fine petals. The night before, I had hastily found a container to put it in as we got home. But at that present moment of observing the flower, I realized that the container, rather low and broad, did not hold or support the Gerbera at all. What this flower being needed was a long, slim vessel. So, right after my breakfast I went to look for one and I imagined I found the right one to complement it. This got me wondering about the word "complement." 
 
The noun "complement" in English comes from French, referring to "means of completing; that which completes; what is needed to complete or fill up." As a verb it means to "make complete." If one were to begin an internet search with the word "complementary," we get suggestions like "complementary colors," "complementary angles" and "complementary medicine." 
 
Looking at the picture above, the color wheel, we see a chart for complementary colors used by artists and graphic designers to create contrasts that catch the eye, as well as the attention. In the middle are the 3 primary colors and when we want to find the complementary color for let's say red, we add blue and yellow together and we get green. These 2 colors are complementary to each other. The outer circle shows us the complementary colors in opposition to each other in different shades of the primary and secondary mixes. This color concept is really about how one color enhances the other.

​Then there are complementary angles referring to 2 angles that add up to 90°, which is a right angle. This is basic geometry we learned in math class. For example, if an angle is 30°, then the other will be 60°, adding the sum total to 90°. In this case, the 2 angles complete each other.
 
To have a complement is to be made whole and completed. I like this description to explain Complementary Medicine. This term was created in the 1980s to describe medical and therapeutic practices that did not/were not allowed to be fitted into conventional medicine. Chinese Medicine has landed in this category in the West, as it did not fit into the model created by the dominant allopathic medicine. To be very honest, I find that it is rightfully so. When I understand the word complementary as being "made whole," I am proud to say I practice this form of medicine. Then, my focus is to help a person be/feel whole and well; not cut up into pieces and detached from her/himself. For me the focus of medicine is the person, the individual and what their body-mind needs to be healthy. In feeling healthy and thriving, the individual feels empowered; thus, being able to live well and make healthy life-style choices for her/himself.
 
As I go back to the example of my son's Gerbera, I observe the being as it is and try to understand what it needs to thrive in its environment. I help it by providing the appropriate container and the nourishment, that it may feel safe, nurtured and supported enough to grow for the time that it is with me. As we know, we are not here in our present state or situation forever; life is finite, we should cherish the time we have been given and have gratitude for the experience. As such, I also know that at one point this being will have to go to its next stage of life and I, who have provided this container must learn to let go, to give this being the possibility to move on. In doing so, I am a complement to that being. 


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Image Color Wheel by vector portal-pixel77
Image Angle by bjus

As I look out the window right now, I observe the extreme changes of Spring; the winds blowing the trees, the rain splattering the window and suddenly the blue sky pops out from behind dark clouds. It is stormy, restless, unsettling and all of a sudden it's sunny again. It reminds me of birthing a child.
 
Almost 15 years ago, I was initiated into the realm of motherhood and my "ritual," as most mothers would endure, was a long, intense torrent of contracting, ripping pain that didn't appear to end. Somehow the 9 months of pregnancy didn't seem to be enough to prepare me for those intense hours of labor. But labor itself revealed to me that I was embarking on a very profound journey with myself and another being, whom I would guide/ am guiding through this lifetime. This is a great responsibility filled with many challenges. Through experiencing the birthing of a being, I came to a realization of how remarkable and exceptional life is. As such I value life more than I did before I became pregnant. I appreciate the little things that I experience of my children growing up as I know that these could have not been, had the birthing process taken a different turn.
 
We in the modern world take many things for granted; we turn on a tap and clean water flows; plug in our electrical device and it powers up; women become pregnant and babies get delivered all wrapped in soft linen, all cleaned and "perfect," with no trace of blood or mucus that nourished it for 9 months. Even this word, "delivery," that we use in English to describe birth is strange to me. I definitely did not feel that my babies were "delivered" like a package arriving by post. It required resources, nourishment, connection, preparation, endurance of pain and patience. Birthing is just one step in a longer intense process of nurturing life, which continues throughout the child's and caregiver's lifetime. I say "caregiver" because it could be that it may not be the mother that births the child, who will care for it in its lifetime. Not only do we take for granted that life just keeps happening, we take the people who make it happen for granted.
 
"The woman of ancient times had possessed a strength we no longer claimed. If she had too many children, or not enough strength to rear another child, or if feeding it would deprive the tribe at the wrong time of year, she could look into the face of the child and put forth her hand and send that child back into the nowhere and nothingness as if it had never been born...A man must know that he is breathing because his mother looked on his face and saw that it was good and chose freely to nourish him." (Zimmer Bradley, Paxson, 179-180)     
 
I am here today, as you are, because our mothers chose to bring us into the world and nourish us as best as they could. Sometimes this is not easy and may be extremely challenging, depending on the circumstances life presents in different geographic and cultural circumstances. Mothers give us the unconditional love to be who we need to be, they are that hand which supports us when we are falling and pick-up what we left behind. In this day and age of looking for superheroes, we forget these invisible beings who do superhuman actions, like creating, maintaining and nourishing life; right there in front of us, in our own homes. To mothers all over the world I say, "I see you and I appreciate your invisible hand. I am grateful and I thank you for being Mother."   
 
 
    
Reference
Zimmer Bradley, Marion/ Paxson, Diana L. (2000): Priestess of Avalon. London: Penguin Books Roc.
 
 
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Image by Phalia from Pixabay