​As I stood on the rocks at the edge of the cliff, breathing in the salty air of the Pacific Ocean, I could sense the wind blowing in my hair and against my skin. With my being, I sensed the magnitude of the waves, the vastness of the ocean, the solidity of the rocks under me, the unending blue of the sky and something within me recognized the insignificance of humanity. I, like my fellow human beings, am but one minute grain of sand, lying on one tiny beach in the great expanse of the universe. I realized in this moment that I was in awe of nature, of the immense world and universe that we live in. I felt content as I knew my place as a living being in the way of things.
 
Nothing like a good dose of Nature to get you out of your drama of human self-importance. This was my experience as I was on vacation this past weeks in the area where I lived in and went to university in my 20s, California. It is a special place, where the elements - Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water come together in an intense mixture of generative-destructive-regenerative energy yet pieced together harmoniously to create a blossoming, fertile place. By the way, when I speak of the themes of life-death-rebirth, I often hear a voice say, "Circle of Life," which was a song by Elton John and Tim Rice featured in the Disney movie The Lion King, that was made in California ;-). Over the past years, I have become more informed geologically of our Earth and have come to realize why there is a draw for me as a human being, among millions of others, to California. Back in the day when I lived there as a student, I never really questioned why or what attracted me there, except that places like San Francisco were centers of culture, learning, thought, ideas, industry and commerce. But let's forget about the cities of California, these are made by the hands of humanity, with the illusion that they are great and will withstand the powers of Nature. Now, 20 years later, with the healthy distance of space and time, I have come to understand that it was the strong interaction of the Elements that drew me to live there for a time. 
 
California lies along the Pacific Ring of Fire, as does the whole of the Western coast of North, Central and South America, the islands on the Pacific, like Tonga, Japan, Taiwan, Philippines, Indonesia, parts of Russian like the Kamchatka Peninsula and parts of Antarctica. These areas have high amounts of earthquakes and volcano eruptions occurring very regularly since millennia; still regularly moves and erupts. California is no exception to this. It is probably this deep movement and power of the Earth that draws humans to live in this area, as it inspires not only a creativity as well as a fertility in the land and ocean but also within our beings. Ideas and inventions sprout out of these areas like weeds; think tech firms like Google, the film industry of Hollywood, Disneyland and numerous other products/ ideas that have shaped our modern world. Once you become aware of the geology of California, you realize it is only a matter of time that all its "great" and wonderful cities will crumble like dust, when the San Andreas Fault cracks open further with the next great earthquake. I imagine what brought me there over 20 years ago was this power - to experience it, create with it and to grow from it.
 
As I return here to Switzerland, Nature is still very present; just a little calmer, subtler and narrower. As the Nature there in California shapes its people, so does it here in Switzerland. The movement of the water here is calmer, as in the many lakes, inspires slower, tranquil, containing energy, with less impulses to quick changes. Maybe I was drawn here too as I was to California, to learn this way of being as well. 



​Photo by Elaine

​Since I moved to the West over 20 years ago, this time of year feels challenging to me. I often feel a sense of conflict in myself, between my inner world and the world outside me. It is not just the cold and the darkness that we experience in the Northern hemisphere in December that confronts me, but also the disparity of my trying to live in harmony with Nature here and still function in the bustling human society around me. 
 
When I was a kid growing up in Malaysia, my family celebrated Christmas. I was brought up Catholic; we went to church every Sunday and at Christmas, we went to midnight-mass to celebrate the birth of Jesus. At home, we put up our fake plastic Christmas tree and decorations, topped off with white-cotton-wool to mimic snowflakes as well as blinking lights to simulate snow-glistening. Just like in the Western movies, except there weren't gifts under the tree; partly because we couldn't afford gifts for a family of 8 but also it just wasn't part of our culture. I recall getting 1 gift at Christmas when I was about 7, a skipping rope with a counter, that went defective 2 months after that. My parents adopted the giving of the envelope with money, Hóng Bāo (Red Packet) for Christmas as well as in Chinese New Year, which I hear is very common in Malaysian Christmas gift-giving.
 
Why did we have a fake plastic coniferous-like tree in our living room in tropical Malaysia? First of all, very few conifer trees grow just above sea-level in the tropics. Hence, the fake plastic substitute. As Malaysia was a British colony till 1957, I imagine we adopted many of the eccentricities of the British as well as the influence of American movies, never really understanding the meaning of Christmas and things related to its celebration. The conifer was/is used for its evergreen quality, as a reminder that life would return after the dark, sunless days of winter in the Northern hemisphere. But in tropical Malaysia, most plants are almost always green due to the warm climate and daily sunlight all year round. It is kind of a redundant practice there. What's more, putting white cotton to imitate snow that never falls in the tropics is a little bizarre, because most people in Malaysia have never experienced snow unless they have travelled elsewhere for it. But I imagine that finding meaning in our lives wasn't and still isn't the goal of capitalism, which is what Christmas has become; another means to sell more stuff and create need where there is none. I am not saying that we can't celebrate Christmas in Malaysia, I think we could find other more meaningful representations that actually mean something to the local culture.
 
While the dark and cold, pushes me to go inward, the bright lights and sounds of Christmas, not to mention the fixation of the populace on gifts and consuming wrenches me outward. I know I risk being called a Scrooge with my "Bah humbug" attitude towards Christmas, but Christmas as I know it in the modern world lacks meaning; my aversion is to the capitalistic form of Christmas, not to that that is personal and meaningful to each. Most people feel disconnected and stressed at this time of year, and it's no wonder. We need to find meaning again to life and the beings around us. For me, I celebrate the Returning of the Light at the Winter Solstice, the turning of the tide from inward to outward. But before I can come outward, I have to go inward. Some students of mine asked me recently how we could go inward and when we still have to go to work and are compelled to produce outward. I use the analogy of listening to music; we can still listen to music but we can turn the volume down to 3 and not keep it at the maximum of 10. This way the music is still playing but the outward manifestation of the intensity is muted, leaving more space as well as energy to store and recover what was used in warmer times.
 
I have let go of fake plastic trees, we have a fir tree in a pot that we bring in and decorate with candles a few days before Christmas, for years now. The rest of the year, it is in our garden in a shady spot, growing in the environment where we live in. I try to make my own presents, like cookies and herbal wines, to gift family and friends; something from the heart, not from the store. We share meals together and time. This for me is what this time of year is about, having time and space to share with one another.  
 
 
 
 
 
 
Image Green Pine Tree Leave by Roman Kaiuk on pexels.com

 
I wondered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees, 
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
 
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
 
The waves beside them danced; 
but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
 
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon the inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
 
 
William Wordsworth (1804)
 
 
It is a cool Spring day; the sky is blue and the sun is shining. Yesterday, the sky was grey and it was snowing. On the ground the snow is gone but the coolness prevails. Last week, it was dry, warm and sunny; all the plants were blossoming. I heard the exclamations of joy from people around me of how beautiful and warm it was, but also the apprehension of how dry it was for the plants. I listen and observe. I note that it is Spring, a time of extreme change. The weather of this time of year can change from one end of the spectrum to the other in a day, which we experienced this past week. 
 
What has caught my eye and my consciousness are the Daffodils; those yellow, golden rays of sunlight that have burst through the Earth and prevailed through sun, dryness, rain, snow and cold. As a young student in a former British colony, I learned the poems of the British Romantic poets, such as William Wordsworth, which I could not really understand then since I lived in the tropics and had never experienced real Daffodils growing in the early Spring. What a wonder they are!
 
Daffodils or Narcissus are bulbous plants, that stay dormant for more than half the year. Then at some point in time in late winter, they manifest their first green, pointy shoots out of the Earth. Every ray of sunshine nurtures their inching-shoots out of this fantastically-designed bulb, that not only nourishes with food, but also protects this being like a cocoon as it develops its bud into flower. We admire how humans design and create intricate things but look at this "simple" bulb that keeps growing and receding year after year, even if we do not really put much attention or care to it, in the most extreme of temperatures (between 30-35 degrees Celsius difference). Through its long leaves, this being gets enough food and energy to go into dormancy from Summer to the end of Winter. I read that bulbous plants, including the Daffodils, have been in existence since the Miocene geological epoch, between 23.03 to 5.33 million years ago, as a result of the decrease in global temperatures. Crazy, amazing ancient technology that is still functioning! 
 
Now, every time I pass by a troop of daffodils dancing in the breeze under a tree, I recite this lovely over-200-year-old Wordsworth homage to some very ancient beings, who not only impress me with their bell-shaped-flair-skirted fair blossoms but every aspect of their existence, most especially their resilience to the snow, the heat and the changes of Spring.
 
 
 
Image by Elaine