Category: Injury

Finding Shoes That Fit

2/8/2023

As I am sitting here writing, I look down at my feet and ankles. I am reminded how my body, and its parts have been shaped by life, as with all of us; what we have experience and done in our lives, how we were raised and where we have been, all shape every part of our bodies, whether we like to acknowledge it or not. Whenever I look down at my feet and ankles, physically I see the chronic swelling left behind from years of trying to fit into shoes that didn't fit. I might have mentioned it before, I grew up dancing classical ballet from the age of 5, at 12 started with rhythmic gymnastics, continued on with classical and contemporary dance till around 30, when I finally stopped dancing intensely. When I say, "shoes that didn't fit," I mean that physically and metaphorically.

I started pointe work, dancing on your toes, around 11. This process is no simple feat; basically, it is so unnatural for the feet that one has almost to start early enough in order to shape and create enough strength in the feet, as well as to get use to the discomfort of stuffing one's toes into uncomfortable shoes, but not too early in childhood or else growth will be stunted. I remember, how pain, blisters and blood were a normal occurrence during/ after pointe class, even if the shoes were fitted "right," which they almost always didn't feel like. Most ballet dancers have their own tactics to protect their toes. I had lamb's wool strands, which I would wrap my 2 lasts toes of each foot, pull my tights over them and put on my shoes. These helped but if something was off on that day, let's say the humidity in the air was high, too much moisture from sweat or class was at the end of the day, when my feet and toes would possibly be slightly bigger, then my toes would suffer; regular blisters with clear fluid, blood-filled blisters, bruised toenail beds, these are normal circumstances of dancers who do pointe. I still have toenails that will stop growing at some point and I have to rip off the nail so that the new nail can grow afresh, after almost 20 years post-dancing. Sounds like war-wounds, doesn't it?

What's more, ballet is so form-specific that you have to have the "correct" foot form, or even body form to be successful in it. To be brutally honest, I had the "wrong" body for ballet. I was not blessed by the ballet-gods with high-arched feet; the arch that I have comes from years of work. When I look in the mirror and extend my right foot, it looks like a dancer's foot, but not like a virtuoso ballet dancer. My left foot, through injuries, looks like a deformed, swollen mass of a foot, which sometimes calls out for my attention with pain. Pain, which I have no explanation for sometimes. Perhaps, it is remembering the trauma of being stuffed into shoes that didn't fit 25 years long. A form it did not or could not fit into and being made to do movements that it wasn't meant to do. However, this for me is not a curse but a blessing. My left foot, was and still is the body part that leads me to explore healing; healing of self and of others. It opens a door to the healing world for me. The first time I tried acupuncture was because this ankle asked to be taken care of. I became aware of a whole different world that exists, parallel to the physical world; the energetic one. This has led me to study Chinese Medicine and explore the world of (un)consciousness.

The journey has only just begun. My ankle still talks to me, reminding me to stay open; learn new ways to sense things, try new methods of healing and wear shoes that give space as well as support my movement in life. Whenever I perform movement in Tai Ji Quan, Qi Gong or Yoga, I feel the boundaries my ankle sets for me in the physical realm, but these are healthy ones that I have learned not to exceed. It is like moving to the edge of a cliff and finding a safe spot to enjoy the view, among other things. I have learned to listen and do self-care for my ankle. Maybe I look silly wearing boots on a warm, sunny day but if my ankle tells me it feels well supported in it, I listen. It is one of my inner barometers, it confirms if the shoe fits from the inside, not how it looks from the outside. My ankle teaches me to wear the shoe that fits me well, not what fits others.

Image by Pixabay on pexels.com

0 Comments

Finding Joy in Movement

15/8/2022

0 Comments

There is a theory in Chinese Medicine that the Qi flow in Meridians/ Channels are already in existence when we are born into the world as babies. However, only through nourishment - by way of (mother's) milk and care, life experience and movement, do these Channels get stronger as well as more distinct. As I have explained in a previous post, only when these conditions are fulfilled and with the time through childhood, can these Qi 'Rivers' fill up and the access points develop. Thus, the Acupuncture-Points also come to maturity sometime around puberty, if all the criteria of nourishment are fulfilled.

With this in mind, we realize that Movement is a key ingredient in the growth and development of a human being. In childhood, we get to know the world and our bodies through Movement. The child touches its face and realizes for the first time that it has a face, when it feels it in its hand and the corresponding sense of its hand on its face. It swings its arms, kicks its legs and finds its center, to finally turn sideways; this is when it finds its true potential of its mobility. Then the process begins, to crawling, standing and walking; all this in the span of about 8 to 18 months. Children need to move with their bodies and in the environment throughout their childhood in order to develop muscles, fasciae, organs, bones, experience and understanding of self within space. When I say, "understanding," I am referring not just to the intellectual but also to the physical, emotional, spatial and energetic understanding. Due to fact that our mainstream "conventional" world very seldom speaks of energetics or the existence of an energetic world, many of us are energetic "toddlers." We may sense something of an energy as children, but we are seldom given impulses or feedback or much less schooling to develop ourselves from this perspective.

Many of us experience Movement through our childhood in the form of sport, especially for males, as our society frequently views Movement forms, such as dance often times ballet, mostly for females. Thus, Movement has become gender-defined. Look at our mainstream school system in Switzerland, the only Movement subject on the schedule is "sport." In many sports, one is often not focused on developing the internal environment of the being but more so learning the rules of the game, sport-specific skills such as eye-limb-ball coordination, maybe tactical strategy or team cohesion, most prominently competition and winning. Any other forms of Movement outside of the "sanctioned" sports are considered odd. Yoga or I must mention Yoga Asanas - the posture practice of Yoga, since Yoga encompasses far more than physical practice, has become more conventional but again more dominant in the female population. Some Yoga Asanas resemble acrobatics, which is also considered a sport; therefore, something that looks like sport is more acceptable to our society. I hear of so many "traumatized" by school sports; many at a young and tender age were forced to participate in Movement based on competition, failed to meet this standard and were scarred from being branded "uncoordinated" or even "failures". If we as a society concentrate on Movement for competition, then what we will reap is a small number of winners, since there is often only 1 winner in most sport forms, and a large population of casualties, broken from the battle. They, or we, are left to pick up the pieces of their broken beings. How can this be sustainable or even logical for the wellbeing of our society?

What drew me, and still draws me, to Tai Ji Quan, Qi Gong and Yoga is the internal focus to Movement; the internal environment of my being and the work I put into developing it can be manifested as/ in external Movements of my body. This is not to say that there are no Tai Ji Quan, Qi Gong or Yoga practitioners who are externally-focused; some are, that is where they place their intention and therefore they stay on the exterior. For me, it is about what is inside us that matters and not how good it looks in front of a mirror or on some social media platform. If the focus is only on the outside or in competition with others, then we become nothing more than a vacant shell, hollow and empty on the inside but having shiny adornments to cover up the emptiness inside. I was lucky, I found joy in Movement, even if just physical and external, early on in life. Then, even the distress of injury later could not extinguish my desire to find Movement. In fact, when my external body could not manifest Movement, I found internal Movement. For this I am grateful to my bodymind. This is what I am trying to share with others, the joy of connection to our own bodies, external and internal, the joy of Moving. Because Movement is life, so let's live!

Photo by Amanda Napitu on Pixabay

0 Comments

Finding Shoes That Fit

Finding Joy in Movement

Elaine Yap

Archives

Categories